Goodbye to you
by SilentBobina
Summary: Tawny and Louis are breaking up after a troubled marriage. Tawny's POV. Songfic "Goodbye to you"


A/N: Hey all, lalala, I know not very many people read this section but I love Even Stevens and anything I get an idea for I can't resist writing.   
  
Description: Tawny and Louis are breaking up after a troubled marriage. Tawny's POV. Song Fic for "Goodbye To You" by: Michelle Branch.  
  
Goodbye To You  
  
**Of all the things I've believed in,  
I just wanna get it over with,  
Tears form behind my eyes,  
But I do not cry,  
Counting the days that pass me by**  
  
My bags are packed. The most final decision of my life. I need this, he needs this. And even though it felt so right, I never imagined it could feel this wrong. The tears, they come but do not fall. I need to be strong for us both. I should be used to it, it's been forever since he had any strength of his own. Last night I broke down and my strength faltered. I've held on to nothing for so long. Like the supports of a bridge that was never built, holding nothing.  
  
**I've been searching deep down in my soul,  
Words that I'm hearing,   
Are starting to get old,  
It feels like I'm starting all over again,  
The last three years were just pretend**  
  
And still he needed me. I knew it and my love became my strength. I took the pain, and in the strain there was pure love. The crystal waters of a spring, so crisp, and clean, and soft. I knew no matter how many times I heard "tomorrow" I'd love him still. I've loved him most of my life. It's hard to give that up. I know that when I let him go he'll get his chance to shine. I hold him back, I'm in the way, So I move on. It's like a new life. He is my past. Every good memory I have contains him. He holds my heart and soul, so how did this marriage turn to a disaster? The last three years were a hell unimaginable, so how could the man I love be the center? I must forget, remember only before the fire engulfed us.  
  
**And I said,  
Goodbye to you,  
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew,  
You were the one I loved,  
The one thing that I tried to hold onto**  
  
He stands beside me, with tears running down his cheeks. I lean in for one last kiss. The final time I get to feel the passion between us. He turns away. I guess I don't blame him. The one thing he could always count on is gone. I wrap my arms around his waist and trap him against me. He doesn't struggle but returns the embrace tenfold. I lean my cheek against his and we begin to dance in the street to music only we can hear. The tears have fallen now and the salty heat mingles with his own. "I love you," I whisper in his ear sofly kissing his cheek. I turn my head and look towards the ground. "Goodbye," I say pushing from his grasp and running to the taxi. As the taxi drives away I leave him standing in the dreary rain that has begun falling like my tears, falling from the sky.  
  
**I still get lost in your eyes,  
And it seems that I can't live a day,  
Without you,  
Closing my eyes and you chase my,  
Thoughts away,  
To a place where,  
I am blinded by the light,  
But it's not right**  
  
I'm unpacking in my new apartment when I stumble across an old photo album of before the anger and tears. You smile up at me and I begin to cry again. Your dark blue eyes have that sparkle. The one that died over the years. I sit and stare and it's like I'm looking in your eyes. 'That's where I should be,' I think to myself, closing my eyes and sighing. I stay like this for a while, drifting in and out of conciousness all the time dreaming of you. When I finally awake I explode into tears. How could I be such a fool as to leave you? It's then all the anger the ideal dreams left behind comes flooding back. The frustration is like a wave. It crashes on me and shuts off all thought causing me to hurl to photo album across the room. "DAMMIT!" I scream, and eventually I'm lulled to sleep by my tears.  
  
**Goodbye to you,  
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew,  
You were the one I loved,  
The one thing that I tried to hold onto**  
  
I'm trying to get myself together. I've been a major wreck. It's one of those can't eat, can't sleep kind of things. I feel so weak. Where is the strength I had when I was with him? Then I understand he gave me my strength. How do I find my own. All I can do is crave him night and day. Crave his touch, and his kiss, and the passion. You're still my world and in my heart I wish I could still be yours. You'll be fine. You have my strength now. I wonder about you, how far you've gone, how much you've accomplished.  
  
**And it hurts to want everything and,  
Nothing at the same time,  
I want what's yours,   
And I want what's mine,  
I want you,  
But I'm not giving in this time**  
  
To clear my mind I take a walk, to no where in particular. Wandering aimlessly I suddenly stop. Looking up I see our house, a silouhette against the setting sun. Once again the path has led me home to you. As I stare up at the house, searing white pain flows through me. You are my own weakness. All this time I've believed you were the one dependent. Now I know I'm just as guilty as you. I want you to be free. I want you to live your own life without me to make it easy. I want you to fly, soar above the clouds to heights you never imagined. I want to move on from you, start a new life. Leave all concious thoguht of you behind. When I sleep I'll remember and dream of you every night, but when I wake instead of wanting you I'll forget my dreams. I do want you. I hope you know. I want to enter the house, the key is in my hand and the temptation is strong, just like the temptation to reenter your life. I'd done it many times before, walked back in. I guess I wasn't ready to give you up to the world. You pleaded on your knees so many times and so many times I obeyed your heartfelt cries but I know this game can't go on any longer.  
  
**Goodbye to you,  
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew,  
You were the one I loved,  
The one thing that I tried to hold onto,  
The one thing that I tried to hold onto**  
  
Months of healing later I've improved. My life is normal. Nothing I could ever say with you. I loved your oddity in youth, but you never changed. Don't worry, I never wanted you to. That could be one reason it ended this way. I hope you've changed or else our sacrifice of the perfect love is a waste. I try to imagine what I'd see if I bumped into you now. In my idealistic mind you're a reclusive millionaire with a super model girlfriend (Maybe I don't imagine you've replaced me that quickly). A wonderful life you wouldn't trade for anything. If I saw you I wonder what I'd do. Want you back even now that my motivation behind my sacrifice is gone? And I think to myself no, no I wouldn't.  
  
**And when the stars fall  
I will lie awake  
You're my shooting star** 


End file.
